Choices – are they really choices?

Creative Commons license courtesy unsplash Sylwia Bartyzel

Creative Commons license courtesy unsplash Sylwia Bartyzel

Every step of our life, we have choices. Do we turn left? Do we turn right? Do we bear on ahead, plodding along in the same direction in the past?

Often, those choices don’t seem like choices. We can feel trapped by our circumstances, by things which are going on in our life which are beyond our control. It can particularly spur anger and denial to even consider that our current situation has been brought about by our own choices.

“The truth is messy. It’s raw and uncomfortable. You can’t blame people for preferring lies.”
― Holly Black, Red Glove

When it comes to relationships, we might think that we’re choosing people. In fact, most (or maybe all!?) of the rough spots we have in relationships are our own issues. Other people in our lives are mirrors for what’s going on with ourselves. That’s why we keep seeing the same things come up in relationship after relationship, in person after person.

“I have seen the best of you, and the worst of you, and I choose both.”
― Sarah Kay

So, when we shift our choices back to ourselves, it will shift our relationships. When we choose how to respond to our reactions, then we are choosing how to relate. When we accept responsibility for our own choices, it greatly lightens up our life, our relationships with others, and our relationship with ourselves.

“Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself in your way of thinking.”
― Marcus Aurelius, Meditations

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